Let It Flow

I took yesterday off from practice as I needed the sleep. Some nights I'm able to get to bed early and other nights I struggle with it. It's the whole adjusting thing. I'm learning to just let everything flow and accept it. To be patient with everything that's coming up. Metaphorically it's like the dam wall has been broken and it's time to just let it all flow. Sometimes I think way too much about things rather than just allow myself to feel. To be in the moment, the present. Not worry about the future as only now is what matters. The future is just a trick. The shadow of my death is over my left shoulder, so I have to live for the moment. Easier said than done I know, but that's the challenge. Worry about what can be changed. If I can't change it, why worry about it. Worrying won't change it. Why not put my energy into something that will only aid my development. So much is up in the air at the moment, but I'm learning to be okay with that because I can see the need for it. I'm just going through a major transformation and my practice is making me aware of what's important. It's helping me prioritise things so that I can become a better person. If I have to perceive that everything in my life is hectic or whatever for the time being, then that's how it is. I know it's all for a reason.

I look back on what I just wrote and think, huh, why can't I always remmeber that...lol. It's funny how from day to day we get clarification on things and other times we feel cloudy. I think recognising our lessons is one of the biggest lessons. We can't become better individuals if we can't recognise our own lessons and learn from them no matter how severe or light they may be.

I love practice on Saturday mornings at the studio. The energy feels so much more relaxed because it's a weekend. My practice went really well today. Quite a few times I'd forget how many breaths I was up to but I just did a couple of more breaths when this happened to compensate. I was also able to bind one side, can't remember which, for the first time in Marichyasana C. I was so excited. I also had no shoulder problems in Urdhva Dhanurasana. Practice helped centre me a lot today.

After practice I went to Chai Hill (our name for the market we go to weekly). It was so nice out there today. I always have such a great time with my friend S. She is so amazing and always puts a smile on my face. She bought me Carlos Castenada's "Magical Passes" for my birthday. I can't wait to start reading it. S, today was unreal! So much to talk about next week. I'm glad you brought R with you. Such a funny day :)

Last night's Drum Circle was a great success. Even though I had little time to get everything together, everything just fell into place. Even though I had an image of how I wanted the centrepiece to look, and was unable to make it so, it turned out better than I expected. The centrepiece is to represent a piece of me and it wasn't until we had started the evening that I realised there really were aspects of me in it. The pinecones, Egyptian candles, flowers from Adam, seedlings for everyone, Spirit candle, the incense, etc. It was simple, yet effective. By chance (if you chose to see it that way) I even had the exact number of seedlings for each person there. It's great how things turn out if you just let things flow.

Fitting It All In

Got to the studio at about 5.40am this morning and got to speak to Amanda before I started. I mentioned to her that I was feeling kind of all over the place, that I wasn't feeling grounded. I told that I was finding the lifestyle changes hard - getting to bed early, etc. I know it's very new to me and early in the process but it was getting to me a bit. The main problem is not having enough time to do the other things in my life that I love doing. I'm finding it difficult finding time to do certain things. I do my practice in the morning then head to work from 8am - 5.30pm (has to change once I establish a solid practice), then get home and by the time I unwind and eat, it's time for bed again. Argh! Where does everything else fit in? I'm not going to stop my practice. No way in hell. I love it too much. Amanda suggested I just focus on establishing a good solid practice and that everything else would align itself and balance out. That over time I'd rearrange things in my life, for example change my work hours and perhaps do less, etc. I kept this in mind and during my practice I started feeling better. Waves of reassurance tended to wash over me. Then the next second, frustration would wash over, and back again. But by the end of my practice I felt a lot better. I didn't feel as worried. I know things will sort out. I just have to relax. I've been a bit emotional lately as you can tell.

As for my practice today, well I definitely felt a little exhausted. My energy was certainly low, so I just did would I could at a pace that was comfortable. I was not going to fall in the trap of pushing myself too much and risk hurting myself. I found that I'd sweat for a while and then not and then sweat heaps and then not. It was annoying because when I was in Marichyasana A - C I needed the sweat to bind. But my arms and legs felt dry and my arms hurt rubbing on my legs. But then a couple of poses later I was sweating again. I know that when I have more energy and hence my practice flows better, I sweat a lot constantly. So I put the sweating cycles down to lack of energy - hence losing breath in practice too. Twice I had to yawn. I guess I'll just see what happens from now on. Despite all of this, I really loved today's practice. After it, I just felt so clean and fresh and ready to face the day. I feel so much better.

Going home to pot some plants that I plan to give to everyone at Drum Circle tomorrow night. I volunteered to do the centre-piece for the circle. I've dedicated the circle to the Standing People (flora), to honour all that they have given us. I've decided to give everyone a seedling that they can plant and look after. To represent the growth in their own lives. To root and watch their own goals, dreams, etc. and as everyone has one, it reflects the growth of us as a group. To observe how we all gorw individually and as a group over the next year. I'm also going to read some literature to the group on the Standing People from the Native American perspective from a book by Jamie Sams (Sacred Path Cards). Here is some text I had on my computer (not sure where it's actually from though) about the Standing People in the NA tradition.

"Standing Ones pray as they lift their arms upward in eternal praise and thanks to the Creator. The Standing People are forever connected to the Mother Earth receiving her life force and resources as they supply fruits, berries, sap, nuts, grains and vegetables for nourishment. They give wood for heat and lodging. Their bodies become home to many animals, birds and insects.

One of the greatest gifts of the Standing Ones to humans is teaching us valuable lessons of life. One only has to look at a tree or its smaller cousins to realize they are flexible against heavy winds and adapt quickly to changing conditions.

They teach us to remain calm and deeply rooted in our traditions during times of storms and upheaval. They teach us ways to survive against many adversaries and yet remain balanced in the Circle of Life. "

Blog Software

The level 3 course was cancelled this morning as there were not enough people interested/registered. I was really looking forward to it, but will do the next one that runs. Practice this morning was a little difficult in that one nostril was partially blocked even though I did Jala Neti last night before bed. I'll have to start doing it before practice. I can't go through practice breathing through one nostril again - it's totally uncomfortable and limiting. I noticed the changes in my practice because of it - less flow, more distraction, less focus, less stamina, etc.

In Urdhva Dhanurasana I noticed that my left shoulder gets a small pain in it. It can't go back as far as the right shoulder. I'm not entirely sure what it is, I've never noticed it before. I'll mention it to Greg. It might just not be as flexible. In Sirsasana, I'm finding I lack strength a bit of strength in my arms to keep me up. Sometimes I'm okay, but today for example, my arms just didn't have the strength to keep me up. Gemma helped me today with this pose and told me to keep my stomach in more, this made my arms feel weak and I had to come out of the pose. Other times with Greg or on my own it's just been the balance thing and not strength as much. As Guruji says, "Practice and all is coming" :)

I'm thinking of looking into this blogging caper a bit more. I want to be able to change the look of the blog. Have an image header, upload pics - am new to the whole blogging thing. I might even register a domain and make myself a site. But I'll just start off small by reading a bit more about optimising blogs. Is there software that a person can download on their PC, make a blog and post to their own server and not have to deal with these type of sites??

I got some money for my birthday and I'm trying to decide between a particular drum I've been wanting for ages. A small djembe that I can play both as a djembe and a darabukka. I hate having to carry two drums around. Having one would be much better. The other option is to get yoga classes. Classes would be a big help as the petrol costs of driving to the shala can add up. Hmmm decisions decisions.

Yoga Blows Ass

Had a pretty nice practice this morning considering I had a really crap sleep. I just couldn't get to sleep last night. I was waking up almost every hour thinking it was time to get up for yoga, it sucked. You'd think I was a kid thinking it was xmas. Anyways, I managed to get to the shala early and centre my thoughts before practice. I was kind of feeling all over the place emotionally this morning. What is yoga doing to me? One second I'm grounded and centered and the next I feel confused and vague. Things just kind of feel all up in the air, like so much is shifting around me, but I know it's me and not my environment. I feel like so much is changing. Then I tell myself to breathe and relax and not worry about any of it. Just be. I don't quite understand the emotional side of yoga. So much learning and experiencing to do.

Back to the practice - I asked Greg this morning which asanas I should go up to in Primary Series. I went up to Marichasana C. I can only bind one side in Marichasana B and C. It's strange how one side is more flexibile than the other. Will it eventually even out with more practice? I love the Marichasana poses as they feel so uplifting. Greg also told me not to worry too much about the finer details of the asanas but to just establish a good practice for the time being as I've been away for a while. I need to build up some stamina I know that much. It feels so good going at my own pace.

I found this really funny page. Not sure how I found it, but I did. Not sure who did it, but I couldn't help but laugh. Reminds me of a birthday card a friend got a few years ago of a picture of these two women in a yoga class both farting and looking at eachother. My friend used to always say she'd fart in yoga and gets really embarrassed....LOL.

A Yoga Weekend

Had a fantastic, relaxing weekend. I did mysore class practice on Saturday morning and it was such a great practice. I felt a lot less rushed as I didn't have to leave straight for work afterwards. I now realise that having to rush after practice could be interfering. So I'm going to do my best to not let it bother me or interfere. I'm also thinking about changing my work hours so that I can have more time between the end of my practice and starting work. That means finishing later and having less time between finishing work and getting to bed early, but I'll see how it goes. I haven't made the decision yet.

Anyways, Saturday's practice went quite smoothly for me. It just kinda of flowed well. At times it felt like I was there on my own. I totally tuned in to my practice (which I hope will continue the more I practice) and forgot others were in the room. This is what it should be like anyway. Watching others and unconsciously judging is 'ego' stuff and takes away from ones own practice and goal of yoga. I was really focusing on my breathing and could see and feel how important it really is. I know it's really important, but Bernie helped me realise that relaxing the breath more allows one to go further into a pose, etc. I love this stuff. I'm now starting to relax a little about being new to it all. Being in a mysore class for the first few times I found I was nervous. Conscious of others in the room, feeling like people are watching me etc. But I'm starting to relax and not care as much. It's about my practice, not anyone elses. What I'm doing is what's important, not what the person in front or on the other side of the room with their legs behind their heads is doing. I'm also not finding it as hard asking for help when I need it. All these little hurdles don't need to be hurdles but are things that can really help you progress with your practice. It helps me relax and realise I don't need to worry about all the little things, the distractions and the paranoia of being new to it all and who's watching and judging me. None of that matters.

On Sunday I went to Bernie's led class. I'd only ever done one led class before earlier in the year. I asked her beforehand what I should do when we get to poses I haven't done yet, and she said just to try them. There was only a few anyway, but I did my best and found I went ok. Having the stamina to get thru the 2 hrs was challenging and I loved that. I didn't push myself but when I needed to rest I just put myself into child's pose and took a couple of breaths. I only had to do this once which was good. Some of the finishing postures I found a little challenging. I'm doing a beginner's #3 course this week and am looking forward to getting a deeper understanding of the practice, especially the finishing postures which I'm a little rusty on.

I didn't make it to practice this morning as I was so tired. Even though I got to bed early, my body desperately needed more sleep. So I slept in and feel much better now. Can't wait to practice tomorrow. My back muscles are a little sore from yesterday though. I'll be careful of that tomorrow. They just have to strengthen. And apparently shaking muscles is normal for beginner's as new muscle is building strength. It's important to really focus on the breath and ease off the muscles a little bit. Apparently over time when the muscles have more strength, the shaking will stop.

I washed and disinfected my mat yesterday and it's still bloody drying. I never realised how much it soaks up. Speaking of my mat, sometimes during my practice I need a mysore style mat over the top because it gets slippery, and other times it's too sticky. It's so weird. Where do I get a mysore mat from though.

And it was nice to finally be able to say hello to you Irene :)

Moonday Birthday

Well it's a full moon and it's my 24th birthday - that has to mean something astrologically and energetically. I wanted to honour today being moon day and not practice, but I just so wanted to be at the shala on my birthday. I'm still a little sore after Monday's practice but decided to practice today and just really listen to my body and not push it. Having been a while since practice, Monday's practice was a real wakeup call for my body. I was so sore, not from having pushed myself which I didn't, but from just not having done yoga in a while. I had to skip practice yesterday to recover. I'm still a little sore, but I remember being like this when I first started earlier in the year. My body is just getting used to it. Finding all these new muscles and giving them a stretch. Well, I didn't push it today, but man did I feel exhausted. About three people said the same thing. My body kept shaking (by the way, can someone tell me why one's body sometimes shakes during practice - it doesn't happen often but occassionally. My teacher couldn't remember why. She said it was common). I found I wasn't really getting anywhere near where I usually get with each asana. It didn't bother me though. It was just nice to just be back on the mat, doing what my body would let me do, and just breathing and feeling alive. Watching thoughts go by like a movie.

Can I ask people's experiences with Moon Days. Is your practice different? Are there noticable changes? Do you respect moon days and not practice? Your thoughts, etc are appreciated :)
For more info on Moon Days check out this link to Tim Miller's website.

After practice I made some chai and read a tribute book to Guruji. It was an awesome book that was sitting at the shala. I'll have to get a copy. It was so nice to not have to rush straight off to work after practice. I told my dad (who is also my boss) that I'd be over and hour late as I was going to relax and take my time after practice for once (it is my bday afterall which you'd think I'd be able to have off). I was finally able to socialise after practice. I met a lovely woman called Bernie and another woman who I think may be Linda? I've always had serious issues with remembering names. It's been a NYs resolution for the past 2 years and you'd think I'd have it down pat, but not yet. Anyway, it was nice to meet a few people from the shala for once. I'm sure I'll meet many more :)

One woman today said she comes from Glenhuntly which is a fair drive to Fitzroy. She thought she was the only one driving far to get to the shala, until I mentioned I came from out Greensborough way and that Greg comes from St Andrews. It's nice knowing we're not the only ones getting up early, driving into town to start at 6am. Says a lot about the practice itself, and the motivation we all seem to have.

I've found a new addiction - reading Ashtangi blogs. There's a mountain of info pertaining to one's practice that is invaluable. Especially reading the Mysore blogs. Man am I getting excited at the prospect of one day in the future heading to Mysore for 3 months or more. Reading what people write about their practice and how it affects their lives is awesome. The kinds of issues they face, the emotions they feel, the obstacles they come across. It's also great reading about the things Guruji says in his Sunday conferences at the shala - from the Mysore blogs. Things I wouldn't know if it weren't for the people keeping blogs. Thank you to everyone that does :)

I'm having lunch today with a dear friend of mine, Seline. I can't wait. We've known eachother for about 7 years now. She's a mother of three, a pagan marriage celebrant, a witch, clairvoyant, the list goes on. Tonight we're doing a little celebration for the fullmoon at her place. Ahh, you have to love birthdays.

It's Mat -time

I had no problems getting up this morning at 5am having not done so for a while. I got to the shala at about 5.50am this morning. It was so good to be back there. I saw Amanda and she was happy to see me back. It was great to have a little chat with her about the past few months very briefly. She demonstrated a variation of downward dog for me before I started my practise. How can you not love Amanda - full of knowledge, caring and always smiling. She helped elevate my mood instantly. Greg had a little chat to me about my practice and about taking it easy etc., as he I've dicussed my wrist with him in detail. Both Greg and Amanda offered asisstance throughout my practice and it was greatly appreciated for my first day back at the shala. They show a genuine interest and concern for their students which is appreciated by all.

My practise was only an hour today as I just wanted to take one small step forward and test my wrist a little bit. Greg suggested I only do an hour for today and just see how I go throughout the day. My practice felt really really good. I was quite conscious of my wrist being my first practice in a while, so that was a new challenge, but overall it flowed quite nicely. I was probably the most focused I have ever been. I was able to really focus on my body in a different way. I listened to my body more. After practise I just felt fantastic!!! I was jumping for joy inside. I remember making myself chai after practice and just couldn't stop smiling. All these feelings came flooding back. God I love this practice!! As I left the room Amanda yelled out infront of people "Craig, welcome back," which just put the cherry on the cake...lol. While driving to work after practice, I was listening to some kirtan in the car, when all of a sudden the sun came out from behind a cloud and I could feel the warmth on my skin. I started getting a little teary in the car. I must have shifted something energetically during my practise.

I had a fantastic weekend. Friday night Adam and I went to the Theosophical Society bookshop. I hadn't been there in years. An unreal place. I could spend hours there reading. I bought two books. "The Teachings of Don Juan" and "Openening to Channel". On Saturday we went to St Andrew's market as usual, and it was so relaxing. Always a pleasure hanging out with my Sue and Seline. Saturday arfternoon Adam and I mowed the lawns and did some small gardening. Sunday we went for a bbq lunch at my sister's house to celebrate my birthday (16th Nov). So that's the general gist. Until next time my fellow readers - I wonder how many are actually reading this...mmmm :)

Moving On

Well, I'm finally back to my yoga routine again. My wrist is 98% better. I've learnt many personal lessons since June when my wirst first became a problem. I consider it very much a test from Spirit. A test of many things including patience, discipline, motivation, etc. I am looking towards the future with much excitement as to the development of my practice and personal endeavours. I've been out of the ashtanga loop for several months now but feel that everything that has happened to me since then has been needed for my own progression. I guess you could say I have found a new part of myself, gained a new outlook on things. Although my yoga practise suffered and I face new challenges with it, I spent more time reading about yoga and yoga philosophy so that I wasn't losing touch completely. The fun now comes integrating what I have read with my practise.

So much has happened over the past few months, but instead of writing it all down here, I think I'll just start from here on with my blog. Bits and pieces will come into my entries as I write.

I'm seeing my teacher Monday morning for some more adjustments to my practise so that I can work around being careful with my wrist. I have no pain in it now, but just don't want to hurt it again.

Tonight Adam and I are going to the Theosophical Society bookshop for a browse. It's such an awesome bookshop. There's a few books I want to get including "The Teachings of Don Juan" by Carlos Castaneda, and one on yoga which I can't remember the name of. I'm off to St Andrew's market tomorrow to drink chai in the sun and hangout with my friends. It's a weekly thing I do Saturday mornings and is a highlight of my week. Sunday I'm having a BBQ at my sister & brother in-law's house to celebrate my brithday which is the 16th. The family hasn't been together in a while so it will be nice to see everyone. And of course I've requested a Jamaican Chocolate Cheesecake for dessert...mmmm evil!