Career Dilemma

My day started out great with a good practice and time to have a herbal tea and read my book before work, but once at work, it started turning the other way.

I work for my dad and brother's web design company designing web pages and updating them. These days I seem to be spending most of my time updating sites, but every now and then I get to design one. Anyways, I had a big fight with my brother about where I'm going with the business, etc. He wants me to be much more involved and to take more of an interest. Yeah, according to him. My dad and him own the business and therefore spend almost every hour of their day involved with it. Totally understandable, they own it. For them it's a hobby and their life. For me, it's a job for the time being. It pays well, is flexibile and secure. I am pretty sure I don't to do this for the rest of my life. I mean I really enjoy it but at the same time requires a lot of time outside of work hours developing and building on my skills. They want me to spend more of own time (the very little that I have) on developing them more and keeping up to date with the industry. It's IT. It progresses so quickly and once you spend time learning something, it's outdated within six months. I really hate that. If I enjoyed it as much as a hobby it would be no problem, but it's not. I work 8.30 - 5.30pm every day, get home at 6pm, have dinner and get to bed by 8.30 to read before falling asleep to get up at 5am for my practice. See the little time I have? I'm okay with this as it's entirely my choice, but to spend more time taking more interest in the business and so forth is not something I'm looking forward to. I know everyone who has a career has to constantly keep on top of their industry, but I'm just not sure this is my industry. Heck, I don't know what the hell I want to do. I know I'd like to do something to help people, but in what way. Health wise would be good. Maybe some form of alternative medicine, nutrition, yoga.

For the time being I'll reallocate my time at work to learning a bit more at work, but there is always so much work to do during my work hours aside from learning more than I do daily anyway. I guess what I'm trying to get at is that I should start looking a little longer term about what I want to do with myself regarding a career or job. I just don't know what to do. I'd love to stay here but god it can be demanding and require so much extra time keeping yourself up to date, etc. And I have no formal qualifications. I'm all self taught and left university as I hated my course. Yeah - computer programming. So not me. But here I am. But without this job I would be where I am today. It's not as if I don't like my job, just I have little time to keep myself updated. I always have so much work to do. I'll have to reallocate my time better and see what I can do.

It's just been a bad day so far. My brother is so career orientated, so focused on financial stability and wealth (well the whole family is really. They all (3 siblings) studied commerce at uni). I'm different. Money is not a main priority for me to the point that it is for them. I'm obviously in a big universal lesson of balance and direction at the moment. Well, I wasn't until my brother shoved it in my face, or is that the universe? Either way, it'll probably kick start something for me - whatever that is. The only thing on my mind lately is to establish a solid practice and to save for mysore. I'm enjoying each day doing my practice, coming to work, reading lots, etc.

The concern of my dad and brother is that if I don't put in as much time as they want me to, then I'll fall behind in the industry and possibly have no place in it. and with no qualifications - what would I do? Thing is - I'm their key man. I do a lot of work and have no spare time at work (well very little) to spend on reading and learning more and more. I do all our clients (200 +) website updates and adding content to every new site. My dad does all the programming so he has no spare time and my borther sells and does accounts. Without me, they'd be snowed under. I can totally see where they are coming from about what they want and it is reasonable to a degree because it is a fast paced industry. But why am I so hesistant. I feel like I'm going around in circles. *deep breath*

Well I think I'll do as I do normally but take an hour at work each day researching/reading about web design, etc. Collect new ideas and apply them to areas I see fit and see what happens. I guess it's all trial and error. I know everything will work itself out. Or will it. Argh! Relax Craig. Just let it flow, let it be. Relax. I'm just a little stressed. So I'm going to go and sit by the river near work and look at the sky and breathe. I'll read all this later and wonder wehat the hell I was thinking. Read how stressed and confused I sound. We all have bad days. I haven't had one like thins in a very very long time.